Hilary Term

Indecision is one of my largest faults. It litters my days. Should I make toast, or yogurt? Do I want to start writing my essay now, or later? Etc. The point being that while I should post about my adventures abroad, I'll probably only do it in an opportune moment, when a fleeting emotion passes over me.

That being said, what is this post about? Hilary Term! In other words, the second term in the Oxford academic cycle, the winter term.

As we're now in third week (out of eight), the work has settled into a structured zone. I've met my tutors and developed a rhythm for my work schedule (if that's even possible). This term I'm studying 20th Century British Authors/Poets and the Bronte Sisters. It's always interesting to compare initial reactions and thoughts to later judgments. Initially I thought I would love 20th century authors, and then I realized how little I admire Modernism as a literary period, although I appreciate the knowledge gained. On the other hand, I've learned that I'm so tied to the Bronte Sisters it's hard to remove myself from the role of reader to the role of critical analyst. But the most satisfying part of the Oxford experience is looking back at my whole term and viewing how I've grown as a student and writer. What's even better is to realize how much insight into different literary periods, authors, and moments I've gained. Because what is so immensely important about English Literature is connections. Although it may seem simple, authors influence other authors. Ideas span centuries, and they morph into their new contexts. It's amazing to read Emily Bronte and then read Virginia Woolf's opinion of her as an author. To me, it is the simple connections that make the most profound differences. It is elementary, and easily overlooked.

I often find that I equate my emotional state and thoughts to the different authors. In a sense it can seem pig-headed, who am I to relate my commonplace problems with that of T.S. Eliot or Virginia Woolf? But as active authors and poets who sought to express their modern problems, isn't it a reverberation of feeling that I should do the same? I think you lose a part of yourself when you publish your greatest works. The privacy of your own talent and personal piece becomes public and mass judgment skews your intentions. The way the world views your piece is always unpredictable, and it's very possible there were many Virginia Woolfs too shy to share their literary mastery. And that makes me question--who was in the better position? The woman who wrote and kept it to herself all her life? Or the woman who wrote and became a phenomenon? Because although fame seems wonderful, isn't privacy so much more comfortable? Yet comfort and privacy are to each it's own--one may desire both, or neither.

So after that terribly inane literary squabble, I'm trying to intimate that Hilary term, like my other terms, is making me think, really think. That's what my entire Oxford experience thus far has provided for me. I evaluate my life situation more and more. Now you can say no one needs to evaluate their life at twenty this much, but it's also a highly personal place. Thinking and communicating are what we do constantly, day in and day out, and while it comes effortlessly, it is so much the grain of our being. So for me, I see it as development.

Hopefully my next post will be about going to different European nations, but the thing about it being my blog is you never know what will come next! I guess that's the positive side of indecision, spontaneity is at its best!